03-11-08 never alone

03-11-08
Tue
14:04

Recently, I wasn’t killing time, I was torturing it to death. I felt useless, missing so many people, and helpless.
Jesus gave me new Life.
He obliterated my past life.
He erased the long list of sins that had condemned me.
Erased by His Love.
Erased with His blood.
God’s blessings to me are unfathomable.
I just got off the phone with a friend who called just to encourage me.
God is right by my side.

Heh, my friend said something that I like. He said something to the effect of, “the only bad think about hell on earth is that it’s hell. The only good thing about hell on earth is that God is right by your side”
I’m not going through hell on earth, but the reminder reaches the place I am standing now.

03-03-08 looking back forward

03-03-08
Mon
13:49

I miss Kenya, Kitale, Tuwani, Evalyn’s orphanage, Benja, Wycliffe, Daniel, Susan, little Jenelle, Esther, Faith, Jen, Nipha, Lawrence, Beatrice, Peter, Alex, Meredith, Amanda, Jared, Kate, Wasoro, Emanuel, Nic, Judith, Daniel, Damascus, Keffa, Peter, Isabella, Duncan, Faith, Evans, Cecilia, Brenda,… I can see so many more faces that I miss… the children. Last night, I almost cried while Aly spoke and pictures showed of the children. We were blessed beyond what we could imagine. It feels like those months were the most beautiful dream I have ever had, only it seems that I am sleeping now, and I am trying to wake up so I can see my heart’s home in Kitale once again.
My Father is everfaithful and everwithme.
Hebrews 11:13-16

written 03-02-08 God's will for my life

written 03-02-08
Sun
20:30ish

i have said to my Lord, “here I am, I am Yours”, “take me, mold me”, “tell me where to go, I’ll go”, “tell me what to do, I’ll do it”, “I am not my own, I am Yours”, “purge me, grow me”, “how can I serve You”, “how can I Love You”,…I waited for His boomin, thundering voice to send me to Kenya with the alone, or the streets with the homeless, or the dark alleys with the dangerous. This response never came.
Instead I heard a quietly firm reply, “honor your dad and mom, and love your brothers”…
… I almost answered “that’s it?”, but before I could, I began to fully know the magnitude of His command. I now know God’s will for my life, and I don’t have the slightest doubt that He will show me the next direction at the right time.
He has given me a desire to go to Kenya, the streets, and the alleys and dark places. He will open the doors that are right at the time that is right.
When I stop surrendering and sacrificing myself, even for a moment, I am sticking my fingers in my ears while God is talking. The greatest things aren’t always the most impressive. These sentences are so incomplete. I could write for hours.